Player Profile > Brian "Mr.Slam" Stout
Vitals
Name: Brian “Mr. Slam” Stout
Jersey number: 22
Height: 6’4”
Weight: 195
Marital status: all blinged up
College: Amherst College, 2000-2004; Twisted Metal 2004-2006, Truck Stop 2007-present
Physical attractiveness
It has been said that Stout is among the most dashing men in a suit… but no one can attest to the veracity of this rumor, having never seen him actually wearing a suit (much less a shirt). Renowned for his prominent man-chest and the ever-present possibility that he might tear off your limbs, he continues to serve the single male population as one of the world’s great wingmen.
Intellectual proficiency
If Stout were half as smart as he thinks he is, Obama wouldn’t be the only one brandishing a new Nobel. But even discounting for an inflated self-perception, he has been known to speedily calculate tips at restaurants, and is prone to quoting John Stuart Mill as if people actually give a rat’s ass.
Memorable statements/quotes
“Kolick, get the fuck out of there! Please.” “Hell hath no fury like the bloodthirsty mongoose.” “It’s only hubris if I fail.”